(Slightly Creepy) Autographed Photo Request

Email I received this morning:

“On Mon, Oct 26, 2009 at 3:17 AM, REHM, DALE <dale.rehm@hp.com> wrote:
To Whom it May Concern,
I enjoy Ms. Wu’s work and I am wondering if I may request an autographed photograph.  Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Dale Rehm
HP”
(mailing address removed)

WARNING FLAGS that went off in my head:

1.) I have not done any noteworthy acting work
2.) I have not done any noteworthy acting work that is visible online
3.) He doesn’t exist on Google except on others’ blog posts about creepy autographed photo requests. (see http://erincronican.blogspot.com/2009/03/really-who-are-you.html – she received the exact same letter, and has a theory as to why someone would send out these requests to (mostly) unknown actors)
4.) Should he really be using a work email for this type of request? HP Should Get Mad Right Now.

See, if you’re a friend and you want a headshot, cool. My grandma has one in her living room too. If I’m famous, cool. Famous people do signings and appearances. But Really Random Stranger Wanting Autographed Photo Of Young Woman Who Is A Wannabe Actor just doesn’t sound good. Hence the “slightly creepy”.

Anyway, Sorry Mister Dale Rehm, you are not getting a photograph, and this blog post is staying online so other actors know they’re not the only ones receiving your strange and widespread request.

*EDIT* 6:32 AM: have emailed HP’s Corporate Compliance / business ethics department regarding employee email address abuse.

Update: May 2009

Whew. Just wrapping up a few of the most chaotic, stressful weeks of my life. But all is very good right now.

Steve: recovering from surgery. Taking it one day at a time. Oh we had our first wedding anniversary late in April! Yay!

ELAN Awards: 2009 is done and done. The producers are getting the ball rolling for 2010.

Acting: Performed as a french-accented character from the 17th century at the Moonlight Masquerade fundraiser for the Giovanni Bastone Foundation last week, raising money for BC Children’s Hospital and childhood cancer research. One of the funnest performing gigs I have ever done. Thank you to David C. Jones and the Laughter Mission Society for hiring me once again!

School: Back at SFU for my first full semester in 4 years. Yes, it has been that long. It’s great though. This time around, I am determined to not allow myself to get into a habit of falling asleep in class. Also very annoyed at teenagers who chatter through lectures and pack up early. How disrespectful.

Art: SFU Linguistics department hired me to do cartoon drawings for an experiment. A real challenge for me, because I don’t draw people! Ever! But the steep learning curve was good for me, and I’m proud of my work.

BC Politics: Did my part and voted at 8:30 in the morning, reminded everyone on facebook etc! Cannot believe the voter turn out – less than 50%?? How pathetic! Mandatory voting and $300 fine NOW. Those that don’t vote don’t have the right to complain.

“I don’t know the issues” excuse is not valid. Go and find out about the issues – it doesn’t take that long.
“I didn’t have time” excuse is not valid. Make time. Vote early. You are entitled to time off work:

From Elections BC website: “You are entitled to four consecutive hours off from work between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. on General Voting Day if you are an eligible voter.  It is up to your employer to decide when during the day you can take this time off.  It is illegal for your employer to deduct pay or penalize you for taking time off to vote.  Employers and employees are encouraged to work together so that all eligible voters can vote without disrupting business operations.”

“I didn’t get around to it” excuse is not valid. Voting is an action. You can’t just sit around all day and realize at 7:50pm that you don’t have time to get to the elementary school 2 blocks away.

This sort of inaction really frustrates me. Even in an election where the choices are generally unsavoury either way, you must still get involved! What will it take to get the young vote out there?

Maybe I should run for politics. Would people vote for me? In any case, I’m really feeling the urge to get more involved in something non-partisan, encouraging people to vote. BAH!

From Inside the 2009 ELAN Awards

As some of you know, I’m working for the ELAN Awards this year, which is happening on Saturday April 25th, 2009 at the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver.

The work is never done, but I’m lucky to be along for the ride. Who would’ve thought that I’d be involved with one of the biggest awards shows in one of the biggest entertainment sectors around? Video Games, Animation, Visual Effects? Beverly? Are you joking? It’s always been your brother who’s been into Video Games…You’re an actor! Right? Or aren’t you…?

–WARNING! Tangent! WARNING!–
Well, to be honest, I’m happy to leave acting to other people who are willing to put themselves on a never ending hamster wheel of emotional distress, because drama is often just that. Drama. The stories that make up the stuff between the boring bits of life. Me? I think I’m almost ready to move on. I’m married now, and my CHOICE is to NOT put Steve through the experience (possibility) of me goin’ off and making out with a new person every week, because, acting or no acting, art or not, it still sucks. Hollywood marriages don’t fall apart for no reason, and that is one little wedge in a crack that I don’t want anymore. But hosting my own tv show would be fabulous. (Hmmm…politics? how about cooking? There will never be too many cooking shows.) Vancouver Film School’s Acting Program was absolutely life wrenching, but wonderful and worth it, and taught me so much about life, and self, and humanity, and group dynamics, public speaking, etc, but do I want to be pursuing Acting as a full time career? No. There. I’ve said it. No. But I still think that everyone should take a year out of their lives to take an acting program. Your life will thank you.
–END WARNING–

Anyway, back to the ELAN Awards!
Oh but ANIMATION! And VISUAL EFFECTS! It’s not just about the VIDEO GAMES! Think of how closely all three industries are tied together…and the incredible talent of these New Renaissance Artists bringing people and animate things to life, lifelike in sound and vision, whether cartoons or resembling real life objects. Absolutely incredible, and cheers to them.

You should see the work that producers Holly Carinci and Jack Weatherell put into this thing to get it off the ground for the 3rd year in a row…very impressive! The Oscars / Academy Awards have been around for 81 years, so by the time we get to 10, or even FIVE YEARS, I think we’ll be golden, seeing how much interest the ELANs are generating already, at the sweet baby toddler age of 3.

A reminder, for Industry Professionals and Media ONLY, to VOTE as follows
“The ELANS are asking that industry professionals go to http://microsites.ign.com/elan/ to cast their vote for the recipients of the “Video Game Hall of Fame”, “Lifetime Achievement in Animation” and the “Visionary Award” (VFX). Voters will have ten nominees – all names gathered from the industry – in each of the three sectors to select from, and they are:

VIDEO GAME HALL of FAME

Nolan Bushnell – Founder of Atari Corporation
Satoru Iwata – President, Nintendo
Ken Kutaragi – Father of the Playstation
Ken Levine – 2K Boston, Bioshock
Shigeru Miyamoto – The creator of Mario Bros.
Mike Morhaime – Co-Founder of Blizzard
Gabe Newell – Valve
Roberta Williams – Sierra On-Line
Will Wright – The creator of The Sims & Spore

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN ANIMATION
Phillip Bradley Bird -Director of Ratatouille/The Incredibles
Hayao Miyazaki – Princess Mononoke
John Lasseter – Directed Toy Story,A Bug’s Life,Toy Story 2
Michael Craig Judge – Creator and star of Beavis and Butt-head and King of the Hill
Nick Park – Producer/Director of Creature Comforts, The Curse of The WereRabbit
Posthumous:
Charles Martin “Chuck” Jones (1912 – 2002) – Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies
Dr. Osamu Tezuka (1928 – 1989) – Creator of Astro Boy and Kimba the White Lion
Frederick Avery (1908 – 1980) – Creator of Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and more
Norman McLaren, C.C., C.Q. (1914 – 1987) – Neighbours
Isadore “Friz” Freleng (1906[1] – 1995) – Developed Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam and more

VISIONARY AWARD (VFX)
Harrison Ellenshaw – Matte visual effects for Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back
Phil Tippett – Co-developed Go-Motion for Dragonslayer, creatures for Return of the Jedi
Ken Ralston – Cast Away, What Lies Beneath, Contact, The Polar Express, Beowulf
John Knoll – VFX Super Star Trek Generations, Star Trek: First Contact, Pirates Caribbean
Joe Letteri – Sr VFX Super The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep, X-Men – The Last Stand
Paul Debevec – Pioneer in high dynamic range imaging image-based modeling & rendering
Jim Rygiel – VFX Super The Lord of the Rings trilog, Stay Tuned, I Robot, Iron Man
John Gaeta – Matrix trilogy, Speed Racer,advanced methods “Bullet Time” and more
Peter Robert Jackson – Heavenly Creatures, The Lord of the Rings trilogy
David Leo Fincher – Seven, Fight Club, Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Nominees!
The ELAN Awards Announces Their Final Nominees

ELANS Announce Ceremony Date & Venue and Who Will be Waiting to Hear Their Name Called

Vancouver, BC- March 11, 2009 – Kelly Zmak, President of Radical Entertainment where the ELAN Awards press conference was held today, opened this morning’s presser by saying “The ELAN awards give our industry a chance to celebrate the talents and creativity of the people who create these art forms. At a time where we are surrounded by bad news and a barrage of negativity, the ELAN awards give us a chance to celebrate the positives of our industry and the people who make it great.”

Taking to the podium next was the Founder and Producer of the international Awards Ceremony for Video Games, Animation and Visual Effects, Holly Carinci. Carinci first thanked Radical for their hospitality and continuous support of the ELAN Awards by naming the game developer as the ELAN’S first ever inductee as a “Founder of the ELANS”. Carinci then announced that the new ceremony date and venue will be Saturday, April 25th in the opulent Pacific Ballroom at the Fairmount Hotel Vancouver. With Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants©) as their Host and only 50 tables (6 of which had sold this morning before she reached the podium) Carinci cautioned the room that tickets would sell quickly.

Before handing the podium over to Victor Lucas, creator, executive producer and co-host of “The Electric Playground” and “Reviews on the Run”, Carinci revealed the new beautiful statuette the winners of this and years-to-come ELAN Awards will be receiving thanks to Bill Henderson and his team at Offload Studios; Offload produced both the print and the mold as well as the statuettes themselves for this year’s award winners.

Next up came Lucas to announce the Final Nominees for the 3rd Annual ELAN Awards; and they are …

3rd Annual ELAN Awards Final Nominees:

VIDEO GAME FINAL NOMINEES

1. VIDEO GAME OF THE YEAR

Gears of War 2 Epic Games / Microsoft
Cliff Bleszinski, Design Director Epic Games; Ray Davis, Lead Programmer Epic Games; Chris Perna, Art Director Epic Games

Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks
Todd Howard, Game Director;Emil Pagliarulo, Lead Designer & Writer; Gavin Carter, Lead Producer

Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games
Peter Molyneux, Lead Designer; Louise Copley, Executive Producer; Dene Carter, Creative Director

Left 4 Dead Valve

2. BEST CONSOLE GAME

Gears of War 2 Epic Games, Microsoft
Epic Games: Rod Fergusson, Senior Producer; Cliff Bleszinski, Design Director; Ray Davis, Lead Programmer; Chris Perna, Art Director

Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks
Todd Howard, Game Director; Emil Pagliarulo, Lead Designer & Writer; Gavin Carter, Lead Producer

Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games
Peter Molyneux, Lead Designer; Louise Copley, Executive Producer; Dene Carter, Creative Director

Left 4 Dead Valve

3. BEST PC GAME
Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks
Todd Howard, Game Director; Emil Pagliarulo, Lead Designer & Writer; Gavin Carter, Lead Producer

Crysis Warhead Crytek / Electronic Arts
Péter Antovszki, Sound Director; Gábor Mogyorósi, Art Director; Bernd Diemer, Producer

Lord of the Rings Online™: Mines of Moria™ Turbine, Inc.
Jeffrey Steefel, Executive Producer

Left for Dead Valve

4. BEST CASUAL/ARCADE GAME
Mystery Case Files: Return to Ravenhearst Big Fish Games
Pat Wylie, Adrian Woods, Chris Campbell, Producer

Defend Your Castle XGen Studios
Skye Boyes, Executive Producer; Jordan Dubuc, Project Lead; Robyn Dubuc, Design & Marketing; Taylor Schaerer, Visual Arts Lead

4 Elements Playrix Entertainment Playrix Entertainment

5. BEST MOBILE/HANDHELD GAME
Club Penguin :Elite Penguin Force Handheld: 1st Playable Productios/Disney Interactive
Tobi Saulnier, Founder & CEO, 1st Playable Productions; Zhenelle Falk, Producer/ Designer; Andrew Carroll, Lead Programmer; Ian McConahey Stead, Lead Artist

Planet Rescue: Ocean Patrol Handheld: Magic Pockets / Ubisoft
Eric Zmiro, President/Technical Director; Eltienne Jacquemain, Creative Director;

Hooked On: Creatures of the Deep Mobile: Infinite Dreams / Nokia
Brandon Crick, Marketing Manager

Party Island Bowling Mobile: Digital Chocolate
David Fruin, Studio Director; Mike Saperstein, Director of Game Development; Paul Abbassi, CTO; Trip Hawkins, CEO

6. BEST SOUND in a VIDEO GAME PRODUCTION
Mike Larson, Audio Director; Steve Jablonsky, Composer; Jamey Scott, Sound Designer; Joey Kuras, Sound Designer
Gears of War 2 Epic Games, Microsoft

Brian Tuey, Lead Sound Design
Call of Duty:World At War Treyarch / Activision Publishing

Mark Lampert, Audio Director Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks

Russell Shaw, Composer; Kristofor Mellroth, Audio Lead
Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games

7. BEST ART DIRECTION
Chris Perna, Art Director
Gears of War 2 Epic Games, Microsoft

Istvan Pely, Lead Artist
Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks

Denis Dyack, President & Executive Producer; Carman Dix, Art Director
Too Human Silicon Knights / Microsoft Games Studio

John McCormack, Art Director; Mark Smart, Lead Environment Artist; Jon Eckersley, Lead Creature Artist; Adam Sibbick, Lead FX Artist
Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games

8. BEST GAME DESIGN
Cliff Bleszinski, Design Director; Rod Fergusson, Senior Producer; Lee Perry, Senior Gameplay Designer; Dave Nash, Lead Level Designer
Gears of War 2 Epic Games, Microsoft

Todd Howard, Game Director;Emil Pagliarulo, Lead Designer & Writer
Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks

Peter Molyneux, Lead Designer; Dene Carter, Creative Director; Iain Wright, Lead Level Designer; Mike West, Lead Scripter
Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games

Gabe Newell
Left 4 Dead Valve

9. OUTSTANDING TECHNICAL INNOVATION
Tim Sweeney, Technology Director; Daniel Vogel, Engine Team Lead; Unreal Engine Technology Team
Gears of War 2 Epic Games, Microsoft

Todd Howard, Game Director;Emil Pagliarulo, Lead Designer & Writer; Guy Carver, Technical Director
Fallout 3 Bethesda Softworks

Simon Carter, Load Game Architect and Technology Director; Guilloume Portes, Lead Tools & GUI Programmer; Jonathan Shaw, AI Director; Alex Dowdeswell, AI Director
Fable II Lionhead Studios / Microsoft Games

Gabe Newell Left 4 Dead Valve

ANIMATION FINAL NOMINEES for the 3rd ANNUAL ELAN AWARDS

1. Best Feature Length Animated Production

Winner: WALL-E Selected by children’s votes Disney / Pixar

2.Best Animated Television Production

Toot & Puddle Mercury Filmworks / National Geographic Kids Entertainment
Clint Eland, Executive Producer; Tara Sorensen, Executive Producer; Marianne Culbert, Supervising Producer; Jerry Popowich, Creative Producer

Zeke’s Pad My Pad Prod’s / Avrill Stark Entertainment; Bardel Entertainment Inc. / Flying Bark Productions
Delna Bhesania, Producer; Liz Scully, Producer; Leonard Terhoch, Producer; Avrill Stark, Producer

Wapos Bay: The Series Wapos Bay Studio National Film Board of Canada
Dennis Jackson, Producer;Melanie Jackson, Producer; Anand Ramayya, Producer; Derek Mazur; Exc. Producer

Dex Hamilton: Alien Entomologist March Entertainment / SLR Productions; Parthenon Kids
Daniel Hawes, Executive Producer/Producer; Ryan Lussing, Creative Producer/Visual FX Supervisor

3. Best Animated Short Subject

World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King (intro cinematic) Blizzard Entertainment
Jeff Chamberlain, Director; Phillip Hillenbrand, Producer

Turbo Dogs CCI Entertainment Ltd. / Huhu Studios

Executive Producers: Arnie Zipursky and Christopher Waters; Producers: Kristine Klohk and Rodney MacDonald

4. Best Director for an Animated Production

Christian Larocque, Director
Toot & Puddle Mercury Filmworks / National Geographic Kids Entertainment

Dennis Jackson, Director; Melanie Jackson, Director; Cam Lizotte, Director Wapos Bay Studio National Film Board of Canada
Wapos Bay: The Series

5. Best Voice Over in an Animated Production (All genres)

Winner: Tom Kenny
SpongeBob SquarePants Nickelodeon

6. Best Character Animation

Winner: Graham MacDonald, Animation Director; Emma Gignac, Animation Director; Kim Buck, Animation Supervisor; Justin Sels, Animation Supervisor
Toot & Puddle Mercury Filmworks / National Geographic Kids Entertainment

7. Best Art Direction

Teo Kiriakov, Art Direction; “Diamond” Dave Merritt, Art Direction
Toot & Puddle Mercury Filmworks / National Geographic Kids Entertainment

Zoe Evamy, Senior Art Director; Patricia Atchison, Art Director
Zeke’s Pad My Pad Prod’s / Avrill Stark Entertainment; Bardel Entertainment Inc. / Flying Bark Productions

VISUAL EFFECTS FINAL NOMINEES for the 3rd ANNUAL ELAN AWARDS

1. Best Visual Effects in a Visual Effect Driven Feature Film

Spin VFX / 20th Century Fox Max Payne
Jeff Campbell, VFX Supervisor; Eric Doiron, Compositing Supervisor;Mark Schreiber, Lead Animator; Tim Sibley, Lead FX TD

The Embassy VFX, Inc. / Ironworks Prod’s; Marvel Studios / Paramount Pictures Iron Man
The Embassy: Winston Helgason, Visual Effects Supervisor; Charlie Bradbury, Visual Effects Producer; Stephen Pepper, Compositing Supervisor; Michael Blackbourn, CG Lead

2. Best Visual Effects in a Broadcast Series, Miniseries or MOW

Supernatural Films It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester / WB/CW
Ivan Hayden, VFX Supervisor; Grant Lindsay, VFX Producer; Mark Meloche, Lead Artist; Colin Jenken, Lead 3D

Bartleby Co. and The Halcyon Co. in assoc. with Warner Bros. Televisions Terminator – The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Jim Lima, VFX Supervisor; Steve Galich, SFX Coordinator

Pix Ray VFX / Sullivan Entertainment Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning
Andrew Szerszen, VFX Supervisor; Guy Gatenby, Lead Matte-Painter; Michael MacInnis, Lead Composer

3. Best Visual Effects in an Independent/Short Film

Winner: Rock Garden: The Love Story Pix Ray VFX / Gloryous Production, 2.8 Pictures
Andrew Szerszen, VFX Supervisor; Guy Gatenby, Lead Matte-Painter; Michael MacInnis, Lead Composer

4. Best Visual Effects Shot

Winner: Spin VFX / 20th Century Fox Max Payne
Jeff Campbell, VFX Supervisor; Eric Doiron, Compositing Supervisor;Mark Schreiber, Lead Animator; Tim Sibley, Lead FX TD

5. Best Digital Environment

Spin VFX / 20th Century Fox Max Payne
Jeff Campbell, VFX Supervisor; Eric Doiron, Compositing Supervisor;Mark Schreiber, Lead Animator; Tim Sibley, Lead FX TD

Pix Ray VFX / Sullivan Entertainment Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning
Andrew Szerszen, VFX Supervisor; Guy Gatenby, Lead Matte-Painter; Michael MacInnis, Lead Composer

Pix Ray VFX / Gloryous Production, 2.8 Pictures Rock Garden: The Love Story
Andrew Szerszen, VFX Supervisor; Guy Gatenby, Lead Matte-Painter; Michael MacInnis, Lead Composer

6. Best Animated Character

Winner: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian MPC / Walt Disney and Walden Media
Greg Fisher, Animation Supervisor; Peta Bayley, Lead Animator; Julio del Rio Hernandez, Lead Animator; Tom Reed, Head of Rigging

STUDENT FINAL NOMINEES for the 3rd ANNUAL ELAN AWARDS

1. Best Student Video Game

Origamee Blue Skies / The University of Abertay, (Dundee, Scotland)
Richard Barlow, Programmer & Team Lead; Alberto Fustinoni, Programmer; Aby Cox, 2D Artist; Kevin Dunlop, 3D Artist

The Booty Bandit Masters of Digital Media, Centre for Digital Media, GNW, (Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada)
Brian Ford, Christine Jung, David Marhal, Ken Pratt

Deguiyu Masters of Digital Media,Centre for Digital Media,GNW, (Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada)
Bryant DJ Davey, Xbox Director; Su Yon Sohn, Web Presence Director; Liam Kelly, Support

Number 6 Six Studios / Universitat Pompeu Fabra-IDEC (Barcelona, Spain)
Carles Salvany Pedró, Artist/Animator; Albert Aguilar, Programmer; Fernando Suárez Peña, Programmer; Rodrigo Santoro Rojas, Artist

2. Best Student Animated Production

Midnight Ballet Vancouver Film School (Vanacouver, British Columbia, Canada)
Jin Xie

Nutty The Neurotic Ninja Squirrel Jason Haniuk / California State University Fullerton (USA)
Jason Haniuk

Snared Algonquin College Animation Program (Ottawa, Ontario, Canada)
Algonquin College Animation Pogram

3. Best Visual Effects in a Student Project

Winner: Space Bar Lost Boys Learning (Comox, British Columbia, Canada)
George Kyparissous

Getting behind in support of the ELAN Awards are their Event Partners, Activision Publishing, Inc. and the Seven Group as well as the ELAN’S Founding Partners Radical Entertainment, Relic Entertainment, Offload Studios (Official Supplier of the ELAN Award Statuette), IGN (Official Media Partner) as well as the ELAN’S Associate Partners Blue Arc, Hitachi, sgi, SPINVFX, David Kaye Productions and the esteemed firm Buckley Dodds & Associates which will once again preside over the judicial process. And, of course, Moore’s Formal Wear for Men who will be making certain that all of our men look fabulous in their tuxedos!

“As the Movie Industry goes to Hollywood for its Oscars, so will the world of Video Games, Animation and Visual Effects come to Vancouver for their ELANS.”

RESERVE YOUR DINNER AND AWARD SHOW TICKETS NOW 778-960-4402

The ELAN Awards
Holly Carinci
Founder & Producer
604.218.3993

Azn Lifestyles TV – Season 1 is Wrapped!

December 22, 2008

To the last 2 lines of Jingle Bells:
“Oh what fun it is to be
A regular on T.V.!”

Ah yes, the 5 episodes of “Azn Lifestyles TV” were fun to film. I was in the sketch comedy segments “The Ghoster”, “The Dating Game of Death”, “Azn Drinking Games”, “Creepy Yellow Fever Guy”, and “Speed Dating”. We filmed “Speed Dating” on December 16th…and that’s it folks!

Will there be a season 2? Apparently it depends on funding. Ah doesn’t it all?

OH I have this REALLY horrific/terrific story to tell about my engagement ring from the last day of filming…but it’s pretty long, so I’m willing to write it down here, but only if someone leaves a comment requesting that it be told.

But I’m dying to tell it, so do request it!

Talent Agencies with Bad Websites

Really. I mean, please do not even bother wasting my time. I need to find your agency’s contact info, and that’s it. An email address rocks my world, a phone number will do. I do not care who/what wannabes are on your roster in particular, nor do I want to watch your flash intro that takes more than 2 seconds to load, and because it takes me so long to access your website, I wouldn’t want to work with your company or your talent anyway.

Websites need to be CLEAN, QUICK, INFORMATIONAL, and you know, beauty is optional. Function first. What’s worse is when they put all this glitzy stuff on their websites and it is BUTT UGLY and BANDWIDTH HEAVY. You have wasted too much of my time today. I really don’t need anything but your phone number and email. Don’t make me tear out my hair looking for it, because if you do, you will not be contacted. Congratulations! You may have missed out on a paycheck. Good job.

No, I am not personally looking for an agent – this is job related.

Ah, if only to be a casting director one day. What fun!

“Dismantle The Bridge” @ SFU

Alrighty. Another student film under the belt. This one was called “Dismantle The Bridge”, a second year SFU student film about an Asian-Canadian girl who wants to become an actress, but must overcome traditional-chinese-parental-unit disapproval of her career choice.

Sound familiar? Do nod, if only to humour me. Yes. Close to home indeed.

A huge plus is that I got to use my cantonese in the film. It’s weird, but lately several of the projects that I’ve worked on have required me to speak Chinese, so it’s great that I have at least a foundation in the language off of which I can springboard.

Done and done and screening in April 2009.

How easy is it to find Beverly in Vancouver?

I wondered how difficult it would be to find me, Beverly Wu, if one were to Google “Beverly Vancouver”?

So I tried.

I am on page 3 of Google Search results, for a little review of Tony’s Beef Noodle I did a few months back.

Now when Google indexes this little blog post, it should be really easy to find me.

It’s just that I often introduce myself as Beverly…with no last name. So if we had a really great conversation at some event, on the bus, at a store, or just wandering around, and we didn’t exchange business cards, email me so we can keep in contact. beverly@beverlywu.com.

I have no interest in keeping my life away from the prying eyes of the CIA etc, for those among you who are entirely too paranoid about your lives and incessantly warn me about mine. I live, and then I will die. And if I need to disappear, I will. So for now, I am quite interested in logging my activities as this “Beverly Wu” person while I think and exist.

Stephen Harper and Arts Funding

Thursday September 25, 2008

I am such a fence-sitter when it comes to voting in Canada, but I must say, Stephen Harper isn’t winning my vote right now. I voted Green in the last election, because I just couldn’t take any of the other parties. BUT, just because I voted Green in the last election doesn’t automatically make me a weed smoking hippie artist – I’ve never smoked weed in my life (BY CONSCIOUS CHOICE), even though I am surrounded by people who do (i’m an artist. enough said). However, I do support industrial hemp cultivation for things like cloth and paper and useful stuff like that – check out the Wikipedia article on Industrial Hemp. I am totally anti-NDP because they can and will spend themselves into fiscal disaster, and I’m not too fond of the Conservatives, but the Liberals just aren’t doing it for me yet. Check out this facebook group “Ordinary Canadians DO SUPPORT the Arts, Mr. Harper. You are dead wrong.” that has really picked up speed…11,500 members in two days and growing quickly! I might vote Green again in this election…but they really need to get themselves a new leader. Elizabeth May just doesn’t have the sharpness needed for politics and public speaking, and can come off as a bit naggy and annoying. Anyway, I will be following politics down south with a bit more interest. I don’t like sudden calls for elections with ~2 months notice.

For A BLT Sandwich

For the love of BLT sandwiches!!!

Since Saturday, I haven’t been able to feel anything. This Is Our Youth (i was stage manager) finished its run at the Havana Theatre on Saturday, and I filmed a program called “Silent No More – Stop Violence Against Women” on Sunday, in which I was sexually assulted in a date rape situation. I literally could not feel anything, emotionally. It was like I was inside a thick glove, and couldn’t feel happy or sad or anything, really. I felt the pain, but the tears were not happening. Something happened to me on saturday that made me just unable to feel anything. I guess I was just shocked that the run of the play was over.

Until today.
The first day of school. 3 years away from SFU and today I’m back.

Today, I ordered a sandwich from Raven’s Cafe(teria) at Simon Fraser University.
A toasted BLT on brown bread, with 3 circular slices of dill pickle on the side (they’re free).
I then went to pay for it at the cashier.

She did all sorts of fancy button pushing on the machine, talking on and on the entire time, saying, if I enter it this way, it’s $5.34 instead of $5.36 and you save two cents blah blah blah. I really wasn’t following her because on the menu my BLT was $4.10 including GST, and I had no idea what she was going on and on about. So, being me, I asked for a receipt (had to ask twice), to figure out what was going on, after the fact, so that I would have a record, in case I was being overcharged.

After I re-checked the price on the menu at the counter, it turned out that I WAS being overcharged, so I went back a couple of minutes later to get a refund.

Apparently, there are two types of BLT sandwiches, and it depends which counter you order from: the burger counter (toasted – the one I got), or the sandwich counter. The burger counter BLT costs $4.10 including tax, and the sandwich counter BLT costs $5something (apparently either 5.34 or 5.36, according to the lady, according to how she enters it into the till).

Who would’ve figured? Not me, that’s for sure.

So then, the lady says to me, “that’s why I asked you which one you got!” .
When she asked me this in the original transaction, I remember saying, “It’s a BLT”.

So THEN, she makes this consternated thinking face, and tries to figure out how in the world she’s going to refund the money because it’s already in the computer (I guess they don’t get food returns too often), eventually saying that she’s going to go ask someone in the back office, and for me to wait at the counter.

She disappears, and I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And I tell two people that I’m waiting for a refund because they’re wondering where to pay for their food because there’s nobody at the till.

And wait.
I swear she was gone for 5 minutes.
Like, long enough to take a really luxurious bathroom break.

Then she comes back, saying that the lady in the back will try to change it in the computer system. So she takes my receipt, and starts scribbling on the back. “5.34 minus a dollar (something i don’t remember what she was writing down…i shall call it “X”) difference is a dollar (something I shall call this “Y”) but since I already gave you sixteen cents change that comes to a dollar oh-eight”.

At this point, it’s my turn to look at her with this consternated look on MY face, thinking, “why are you factoring in what change you gave me?” BECAUSE, of course, obviously, it doesn’t matter how much I originally gave her, as long as she gave me the correct change the first time and I paid her a grand total of $5.34. So I ask her to explain again. So she explains whatever her method is. To me, it was obviously not correct.

In my mind:
It should’ve been 5.34 (incorrect price charged) minus 4.10 (correct price) equals the change she owed me.
It should’ve been VEEEEERRRRY simple math.
She should be GIVING me $1.24.

What she was explaining:
5.34 minus the difference minus the 16 cents change i already gave you means that I owe you a dollar oh eight.

And then, she looked at me, and said, “You’re getting this? “
Me:”No…”
Her: “What don’t you get? You’re in school, right?” and proceeds to explain her whole method again, to my stupefied face.
As if I’m stupid. She explains it all again, as if it’s totally correct and I’m just not getting it.
Her: “You still don’t get it? What do you want?”
Me: “All I want…is to have lunch”.

So I took the $1.08 that she gave me (a loonie and 8 pennies, no less) and wandered over to where Steve was waiting.

And then I put down my sandwich on the table
And then I walked outside to the patio (empty)
And then I screamed, AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH to the mountains.

And then I came back in and apologized to the people that had stopped eating their lunch to look at me, checking me out to see if 1. I was crazy 2. If I was alright 3. If they should run for their lives.

And then I sat down, and promptly started feeling.
And the tears started flowing
And I experienced all the pain and trauma that had been shut off since Saturday.

And I couldn’t eat my sandwich.
Maybe I just don’t like being told I’m wrong and being made to feel stupid, when I know for a fact I am not wrong.

So Steve went up and sorted it out with her because I couldn’t deal.
Eventually, she came over to our table with the correct change, after consulting with somebody in the back room.

I couldn’t stop being very upset. All for a BLT sandwich. And the 16 cents that she couldn’t see was missing.

No, not just for a BLT Sandwich.
For the play that ended Saturday (great run, just stunned it was over)
For the experience of being sexually assaulted (an acting role, not the real thing)
Okay, maybe a little bit for the BLT Sandwich.

I think the pain of thinking about sexual assault for an entire weekend finally came out in those BLT sandwich tears and sobs. She just got to me, you know? And it’s like once I start crying, I cry about everything that I have needed to cry about for the past week. So it’s probably not even a sandwich issue!

It was like…a dollar something that she over charged me. I’m not poor enough that a dollar is life or death to me – it’s the principles of charging the right amount, and giving correct refunds that got me. I just HATE confrontation with a passion. I HATE being made to feel stupid.

Better Luck (Love) Tomorrow. BLT Sandwiches.

I will cry for 16 cents, but only if you know which buttons to push

And to top it all off, I just discovered that I spilt coffee on the course materials that I was planning to return to distance ed.
Fuck me.

In tears, I went to the furthest edge of the parking lots by residence, on the edge of a cliff, picked a couple handfuls of blackberries, and ate my BLT sandwich.

And wrote this.

And stared into the nothingness of the forest.

And now I feel very at peace.

Thinking back, the poor woman was trying to HELP me save two cents. Which is so cool now that I think about it…it just so happened that she couldn’t do math (but thought she could).

The one redeeming point of this story is that the BLT sandwich was really good.
Probably one of the best I’ve ever had.

Lucky.

Oh So Lost

Beverly has about as much of a sense of direction as:

A blindfolded cow
A sunflower in the dark
A deaf bat
A flock of Canadian geese that can spell letters other than “V”
A compass on an electromagnet
A bloodhound with a cold
A bee on fermented fruit juice
Fingernail clippings
A ping pong ball with backspin
Dory the fish

Coming home from Richmond in a car tonight after being on set for 14+ hours on the Fairchild TV special “Silence No More” about sexual abuse, I managed to get over the Queensborough Bridge alright. And then, I got lost. Very lost. VERY lost. I can’t tell the difference between streets and avenues in New Westminster. So I kept on driving. Couldn’t find Columbia Street for the life of me. Guess where I ended up?

CITY IN THE PARK. that big development of condos that went up a few years ago near Edmonds Skytrain Station. You know, the one with its own Choices Market??

I’m as bad as any man. I didn’t stop to ask for directions. Besides, there weren’t any suitable places to ask for directions! I was in the middle of nowhere…and I kept wandering into residential areas. I ended up consulting this map that i happened to have in my car. lucky. but the lightbulb in my car interior was burnt out because i recently drained my battery by improperly closing my trunk before leaving on a vacation. But i had a flashlight on my keychain. lucky.

I have about as much sense of direction as … ST Voyager in the Delta Quadrant. All I knew was that I had to get home.

1:22am, home safe and sound. At last. Oh man. I got up at 6:30am yesterday too! WIPED.

Day 2 Of Filming on Better Love Tomorrow

Thursday August 21, 2008

I have a minute break while “Justin” and “Justin’s Mom” film their heart to heart scene. Awwww! I’m dedicating this performance to my real-life little brother whose name is Justin, coincidentally. JJ, may you find your own Sandy and fall in love and live happily ever after. On a really cool note, I saw a rainbow at Garry Point beach/park while we were filming yesterday evening. Very coincidental, once you watch the movie.

Beverly Cast In Short Film “Better Love Tomorrow”

Monday August 18, 2008

Very exciting news! Beverly has been cast as “Sandy” in the upcoming short film “Better Love Tomorrow” directed by Erick Boychuk, which will be made as part of the 2008 Mighty Asian Moviemaking Marathon. The top three films will be screened at the Vancouver Asian Film Festival in November. Congratulations to Team Maplewood on an excellent story pitch! http://www.vaff.org

“Food For The Gods” Taking The Festival Circuit By Storm

Wednesday August 14, 2008

If you haven’t heard the name H. Scott Hughes yet…well, you have now. “Food For The Gods”, directed by Texan H. Scott Hughes, is the legendary Pocahontas story, with a twist. H. Scott pulled a JRR and even invented a language, Kyontowan, for the native villagers to speak in the film. FFTG has enjoyed screenings at the New Asia Film Festival in Richmond, Canada, and on the Shaw Multicultural Network in Vancouver as part of Asian Heritage Month in May. It will be seen next at the Route 66 Film Festival in Springfield, Illinois in less than a month, and at the Vancouver Asian Film Festival in November 2008, bringing Scott back full circle to the city where the film was born. Way to go Scott! Beverly plays the character “Princess Xionko” in “Food For The Gods”. Check out www.food-for-the-gods.com for full story details.

A Week In The Sound Studio

Saturday August 9, 2008

Today marks the end of an eventful week of ADR in the sound studio for 3 projects.
The first was routine ADR for a bit part in “Kate Is 20″, one of VFS Film Production Class 118’s grad films. Beautifully shot on 16mm film, “Kate Is 20″ is a coming of age story of an awkward young woman on the brink of adulthood. Directed by David Innanen.

The second was doing narration for a documentary short entitled “Tibet At A Glance”, compiled by Maggie HuiLin Wu of VFS Foundations Class 27. She ACTUALLY WENT to Tibet to film this project. Kudos to her!

And finally, I got to act in Cantonese for the first time ever, doing voice replacement for “Pious Son”, directed by Wallace Yuen also of VFS FP118. Apparently there was a mix up in scheduling and the original actress ended up being out of town on the booked studio days. Happily, to aid my limited Cantonese vocabulary and ill-practiced tongue, I was afforded the luxury of a soundproof booth, technician with ProTools, and a patient director, who helped me rehearse each line ~10x before we recorded each line multiple times. Painfully slow, but surprisingly not that much slower than ADR in English. I have the good fortune of pretty accurate pronunciation when I know the words to say. I experienced for the first time the dangers of not eating an excellent breakfast before heading into the recording studio – my stomach kept trying to steal the show with gurgling noises, which were clearly audible through the microphone. I eventually had to ask for a short time out to eat what I had brought for lunch. All in all, a very productive week working in a medium that I admit, I like even better than acting.

Beverly Wraps Filming On “Kate is 20″

Tuesday July 9, 2008

I wrapped shooting on another VFS Film Production short called “Kate is 20″ yesterday. I was only scheduled for one day on Monday but due to some technical setbacks on the production side of things, they had to quickly shift locations and I got called in today to do another scene on short notice. So basically I got to amalgamate a couple of minor characters.

Acting – January to March, 2008

Okay, so here’s a quick rundown of everything acting related that i’ve done since january 2008. There’s a point to this, i swear.

JANUARY 2008

Jan. 5 – Student film audition “The awkward ones” @ BCIT. Did horribly, i’ll admit. Didn’t book.
Jan. 8 – Student film audition “Post It” @ VFS Film Production. Got a callback.
Jan. 9th – Student film auditions “Boxes” and “MyiFace” @ VFS Film Production. Didn’t book.
Jan.14 – Started organizing VFS class 29 screening for agents and casting directors.
- Theatre Audition for “Brave New Play Rites” @ UBC. Didn’t book because there were no roles for my castable range but got positive feedback.
Jan. 15 – VFS Writing Department Port Shorts audition. Eventually booked 2 projects from that.
- Call back for “Post It”. Didn’t book.
Jan. 17 – More work on Grad screening.
Jan. 21 – General Audition with AshleyPark films. Got positive feedback.
- More work on Grad screening.
- Audition workshop in the evening.
Jan. 24- Modeled for a VFS Makeup department photoshoot.
Jan. 25 – Did 2 voiceover projects: one for VFS Classical Animation and one for VFS Sound Design.
Jan. 27 – Signed on to help design the set on “Twigs” @ Pacific Theatre.
Jan. 28 – Cold Read Night @ VFS Cafe.

FEBRUARY

Feb. 2 – Ultimate Audition Workshop
Feb. 3 – Ultimate Audition Workshop
Feb. 4 – Sent in a reading for a voiceover project. didn’t book.
Feb. 5 – Got 2 VFS Digital Design projects “Destiny” and “Horror”
- Did another DD voiceover audition. Didn’t book.
Feb. 8 – Student film audition @ VFS Film Production “Snap”. Didn’t book.
Feb. 9 – Filmed “Destiny” and “Horror”
Feb. 10 – Student film audition @ VFS Film Production “Bucket Kicker”. Didn’t book.
Feb. 12 – Mtg. with SFU student film director. Didn’t book – scheduling difficulties.
Feb. 15 – Volunteered at the Elan Awards.
Feb. 19 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Got to shoot on the set of Stargate Atlantis!
Feb. 20 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Shot at Kodak Vancouver office.
Feb. 21 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Toured Technicolor offices/lab.
Feb. 22 – Auditions for BC Cancer Agency print campaign
Feb. 24 – Rehearsal for “Holly Fields” VFS Writing port short
Feb. 25 – Stuff for “Twigs”
Feb. 26 – Printed out programs @ Kinkos. GRAD SCREENING DAY.
Feb. 28 – Filmed “Holly Fields”.

MARCH

Mar. 2 – Sound Cues for “Twigs”
- Filmed “Awkward Silence” VFS Port Short
Mar. 3 – Set Dec / Painting on “Twigs”
Mar. 4 – Ran around the city getting final set/costume stuff for “Twigs”
- Photoshoot for BC Cancer Agency. 1st PAID GIG! YAHOO!
Mar. 5 – Got a VFS 3D project.
- Tech Rehearsal for “Twigs”.
Mar. 6 – Photoshoot for BC Cancer Agency.
- “Exley” fundraiser @ Majestic
Mar. 7 – Prescreen @ Melissa & Larkin Casting.
- “Twigs” show run day 2.
Mar. 8 – Student film auditions @ VFS Film Production: “Ruby”, “Locked In”, “Lockdown Love”. Callbacks for 2 out of 3. Would go on to book on “Locked In” but again, a scheduling conflict. Boo.
- “Twigs” show run day 3.
Mar. 9 – Another audition for VFS 3D dept.
Mar. 11 – Callbacks for “Locked In” and “Ruby”.

Today is March 12th. Between all this I’m still trying to plan a wedding and do some bookkeeping work among other responsibilities.

Basically, right now for acting, it’s like searching for jobs that pay below minimum wage, every day of my life.

Sometimes it feels like things are hopeless but you keep having to go on, like when in early February I found out a friend had DIED. And there’s just no energy or will to prepare for auditions and you don’t care whether the world keeps turning. Or when you get sick and have to cancel everything for days on end. Or when you book parts but two projects are filming on the same day and the one that booked you earlier gets precedence and you can’t work on the one you REALLY WANTED TO WORK ON. Or when you plan this grand screening and only a few people show up.

And then there are the little things that make a world of  difference – when people call to say that they liked your performance and wish they could cast you even though they don’t have a part for you at this time. When people call you and cast you. When you get a callback. When people say they’re a fan of you already. When people believe that you might have what it takes to make it. When people wish they could pay you more but can’t. When casting people are nice. When writers and directors write you smaller parts in their movie from scratch because you’re not quite right for the lead but they want you in their movie anyway. When people just cast you for no apparent reason. When you feel good coming out of an audition because you know you’ve done your best work. When you get callbacks even though you thought your initial audition sucked. When you get paid for work. When you get to IMPROV in auditions (That rocks my socks, lemme tell you that. What fun!). When you have a hearty laugh attack with the rest of the crew during a long day’s work. When you realize the magic of theatre. When people show up to watch or see your work.

“If the art doesn’t make you happy, the biz never will.”

Long live art

is my battlecry.

One day my work will pay off, and if it doesn’t, i’ll be happy trying.

Nudity and acting…need your opinion.

I got a call from my agent today, saying that he had submitted me for a role in “SCREAMERS 2″, but then a revised breakdown came out, saying that the actor had to be comfortable with nudity above the waist. ( i looked up the screamers series, it’s some scifi thing…that i obviously haven’t watched, but will hop down to rogers and rent right now )*EDIT: I just called both D-video and Rogers Video, and neither of them have the original “Screamers” in stock or even in their computer systems…END EDIT*

Okay. I’m pretty comfortable with my body. VFS has done that to me. Tasteful sensuality in some deep heartwrenching life changing drama, maybe. Apparently Screamers the original was good? That was back in the 90’s though…

It’s listed on Casting Workbook as a “Cable Feature”.

I could be missing out, and that sucks, but I said no.

I don’t know if this is how I want to start my career.

Thoughts, anybody? Has anybody watched the original movie? What did you think?

Beverly’s Valedictory Speech

Delivered at VFS Acting Class 29 Grad, December 14, 2007 @ Scotiabank Dance Centre, 677 Davie Street, Vancouver BC.

———————

On budget day, Canadian finance ministers often wear a pair of shoes that represent the fiscal priorities of the budget they are about to present in parliament.

What does that have to do with us? Well, I would like to introduce you to class 29’s shoes: * takes shoes off and tosses them aside*.
Film school is expensive. That, and we did a lot of our work this year in bare feet!

In our bare feet, we shared secrets that we thought we’d never have to face, or own up to in public.
In our bare feet, we looked into each other’s eyes and swore that we could read into the souls of the others.
In our bare feet we were stretched to our elastic limits, and when we exhausted our give, we snapped. Curiously, after the storm, we recovered and often became more elastic.
And on some days, we were too shy to take off our shoes.

Most of class 29 will agree with me – we had no idea what we were getting into when we signed up for the acting for film and Television program at Vancouver Film School.

I don’t quite remember what we expected to find, but I know what we found.

We found a safe place where falling apart was not just okay, but really okay. We were allowed to start from a place of just being, meaning that we didn’t have to hold up appearances for anybody and everybody.

We danced.
We told stories, each truer than the last.
We talked to each other in our sleep, and then in our waking hours,
sharing dreams,
sometimes without words,
and sometimes needing as many words as the body could possibly manage to conjure up to avoid telling the truth of the matter. And then we told the truth.
We learned how to create stories.
We learned how to move our bodies,
We learned how to move other people.
We made music out of noise, resolving discordance to beautiful discordant harmony.
Each from a different place.
Each with a different story.
Each with a different objective.
In the end, did we achieve our original objectives? All I know is we all got something from the others. We fell in love. And we bravely told the truth.
And THEN we learned (and are very much still learning) how to make truth come alive on camera.

Class 29, composed of 40 students, is the largest Acting cohort to graduate from VFS to date. We had to work hard to work together, but we did. We learned how to put up with each other’s eccentricities, and to be generous with each other. And then after we learned to be generous, our teachers told us to be more selfish in our acting! What gives?

To all our family, friends, and teachers, who have supported and encouraged us through the year with your love, we acknowledge you gratefully. Thank you for being here with us today. That in itself means a lot to us.

And finally,
There’s an old Irish blessing for times of parting with those you love – i send the following to you, class 29, with all my hopes and dreams for your futures.

(song)
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you
May God hold you
ever in the palm of his hand.

We’ll always be together in spirit.
Class 29, Face your fears, and continue to run forward, because, you never know what’s waiting around that next corner. And that’s … the best part.

Thank you.

You do not have to be good…

the eyes dart around in fear as the noise overwhelms her her mind her head disappears in a cobwebby fog contained only by skull and eyeballs, teeth and nosehair. she looks towards the back door, an escape hatch, to get out, because she couldn’t hear the music in her head and it scared the shit out of her because there has never been a time when she’s had to produce music where she has been frankly unable to at least hear a decent melodic symphony complete with all associated harmonic lines and rhythm, and it scared her.

so her fear, her anger, her sadness spilled over the surface over the edge of her cubic lower eyelid edge to break the surface tension of the liquid at the very least.

clear the shit out

and

start over again.

it helped.

then i could hear the music again. the rhythm rhythm and it comforted me. comforting rhythm rhythm rain rain rhyme rhyme

silent city poetry VFS acting essentials 10c

Paul, Kendell and I did a silent walk through downtown vancouver last friday, an exercise for voice class. We were not allowed to talk for the duration of the walk (~1 hour) We were then instructed to write a poem. Here is the result:

———
Run from the car for your little wing-ed life
like the penguin on the pillow over there
’cause here, if you want, you’ll be
king with a daisy, if only for a day
chiming, climbing while the clock sings for you.
Ring-the-rosy tree with iron, or copper like those
green patina wings, rising while I’m
Speaking of green can you spare me some change
or build me a train so you can run with me
at twenty-four / thirteen -
I dare you to chase me while I move
at a faster speed than you to the gardens of perfection
right. left. centre. up down all I see are
monoliths of green-blue glass no wait
there’s one that’s black like the sun look up
it’s the sun by the sun spelled out
like it’s never been moved by a gale force wind
oh right vancou-ver doesn’t get those -
downtown renowned, a little glass playground
defying even gravity.
I’ll stalk and not talk about your seeming perfection -
aspire and desire to retire in a square fishbowl will
foil in your window help? I really don’t know.
For now I’ll eat a shamrock
delicate and tangy so clean and shiny like that
stranger’s eye I caught passing by that natural neutral glance
as natural as a tree branch coursing through my veins
growing, slowing me down as I jump into a small
pail of … butts? Dried out, reconstituted
by last night’s rain. Gross, the water’s brown.
Look away to that twenty-first floor. I’m glad I don’t smoke
I wonder what they’re trying to fix
I swear it doesn’t look entirely safe, but look again
the water’s crystal clear, still and rushing at the very same time
Do you see the blue? Electric reflecting perfection
Your lack of smell is amazing
Must all be perfect? After all this
water glass grass perfection I will run run run far -
away is the word because I know, inside, that I am free
I am outside I can watch your seeming perfection and
gleefully sing to myself … “you’re as fucked as I am”

———

this is my headshot that i use at present. see, there are some days where I actually look good. too bad the picture is so tiny.