I say! Today I woke up looking great! All my lumps and bumps and excess rolls were in all their most beautiful of all possible locations. I slipped on a pair of jeans and they fit beautifully. My tush is pretty uh….kick ass.
Which leads me to write on the subject of present-day women’s clothing, and how little room there really is for…error. There is very little difference between looking very good in the sexiest pair of jeans one owns, and having a so-called FAT DAY. Hmm, about…
ONE INCH.
I mean, really.
That ONE INCH is why I constantly seem to be fighting off body-image issues. It’s not that I’m FAT, by any stretch of the imagination, it’s just that sometimes, I’m ONE INCH too big for my shirts and pants that day.
We put our women in such restrictive clothing as to make them look good, yet do not provide any form of socially acceptable shape control such as the standard corsets of old, leading to unsightly societal afflictions such as the proliferation of…MUFFINTOPS, namely.
Any shapewear we don is spoken about in whispers and confined to being the undermost layer – still slightly taboo. *SPANX*. The word travels far and wide that *SPANX* is the newest thing for lump-control. Corsets? Aren’t those just a little kinky?
And nowadays, it’s pretty hard to find non-ridiculous looking corsets. I know there are some very good Corsettieres in Vancouver, but really, if you walk down the street in a corset, it’s not exactly…casual wear.
Watching The Cosby Show is really rather illuminating. Back then, all their young-hip-cool costumes (eg. girls going out to a rock concert) involved Big Loose Button-Up Shirts and Even Bigger Jackets and Waist High Jeans. I would love to hear from you if you grew up in the Era Of Big Clothing.
I mean, Gain 5 Pounds in one of those get-ups and you’re still golden.
I am quite thankful, though, for the tasteful inclusion of STRETCH materials in clothing. Unfortunately, STRETCH-Y cloth makes the perfect excuse for making clothes even smaller and tighter. I am, however, glad that spandex makes the new wave of skinny-jean much more wearable.
I say it’s time that we bring back big Hoop Skirts and Corsets, not as uniform for women, but an option for dressing up, and Going For Tea at a friend’s house, or something. Really! I know women have been fighting the chauvinist establishment since we came to be, but victory is really about having options, is it not? I’d love to catch a bus in one of those dresses. We need to get more DRESSY and re-claim colonial fashions and tailoring talent that Gen-XYZ really has missed out on.
And sometimes, I like ending sentences with prepositions.
